Hey everyone, Tristan here.
As we approach Tuesday, March 31st, my inbox and social feeds are starting to fill up with the usual Transgender Day of Visibility (TDOV) posts. You know the ones: lots of flags, lots of "be proud," and a whole lot of emphasis on being seen. And look, as a trans man and a therapist who spends all day working with our community, I love the celebration. I really do. TDOV was started back in 2009 by Rachel Crandall because we needed a day that wasn’t just about mourning our dead, but about celebrating our living. We needed a space for trans joy.
But I also know that for many of us, the word "visibility" feels… complicated.
Maybe you’re in a place where being visible feels like a superpower. Or maybe you’re in a place where being visible feels like putting a target on your back. Maybe you’re "stealth" and living your life, or maybe you’re still in the "closet" (which, by the way, I prefer to think of as a "waiting room" or a "staging area").
At Byrnes Counseling Group, we talk a lot about "The Story I Claim." It’s a concept from our identity integration workbooks that focuses on taking the pen back from society and writing your own narrative. So, this TDOV, I want to talk about visibility not as a requirement, but as a personal choice: and how to honor your journey exactly where it sits today.
Visibility is Not a Performance
There is this weird pressure, especially on social media, to perform your transness in a way that is digestible for others. We’re told that to be "visible" is to be "brave." And while it is brave to exist as yourself in a world that isn't always kind, you don't owe the world a performance.
You don’t owe the world an explanation of your surgery status, your hormone levels, or your "before" photos. In fact, you don't owe the world an argument about your existence at all.
Visibility is a spectrum. For some, it’s standing on a stage. For others, it’s wearing a subtle pride pin. And for some, visibility is purely internal: it’s the quiet, revolutionary act of looking in the mirror and finally recognizing the person looking back. All of these are valid. All of these are TDOV-worthy.
Claiming Your Narrative (Even When the World is Loud)
In our workbooks, we focus on identity integration. This is the process of taking all the scattered pieces of yourself: your gender, your neurodivergence, your history, your passions: and knitting them into a cohesive story that you claim.
When we don't claim our own story, other people write it for us. They use tropes, they use political talking points, and they use their own discomfort to define who we are.
Claiming your story sounds like:
- "I am transitioning at 40, and grieving the girlhood I didn't have is part of my healing."
- "I am non-binary and neurodivergent, and my gender is as fluid and vibrant as my ADHD brain."
- "I am a trans man who values his privacy, and my 'visibility' is reserved for those I trust."
This is the "Story I Claim." It’s about autonomy. It’s about saying, "This is who I am, and I am the only authorized biographer of this life."
Navigating the Noise in Florida
I can’t write a post about TDOV without acknowledging where we are. Being a trans-led practice in Florida means we are very aware of the "noise." Between legislative sessions and headlines that feel like a personal attack, it’s easy for our internal stories to get drowned out by external fear.
We’ve spent a lot of time navigating the noise and helping our clients deal with the hypervigilance that comes with feeling 'on trial'.
On Trans Day of Visibility, I want to remind you that you have permission to turn down the volume. You have permission to focus on your own joy, your own safety, and your own community. Visibility doesn't mean you have to be a martyr for the cause. You are allowed to just be.
Trans Joy as a Radical Act
Sometimes the most "visible" thing you can do is be happy.
There’s a reason we talk about euphoria as a practice. In a world that expects us to be miserable or "struggling," finding joy is a radical act of defiance.
What does your joy look like today?
- Is it the way a specific shirt fits your shoulders?
- Is it the first time someone uses your name correctly without being corrected?
- Is it that first sip of iced coffee when you’re finally feeling like yourself?
If you’re looking for a little boost, check out our Gender Euphoria Checklist. It’s not about the big milestones; it’s about the small, quiet moments where you feel a click of "Oh, there I am."
A Note from a Trans-Led Practice
One of the reasons I co-founded Byrnes Counseling Group was because I was tired of "clinical" spaces where trans people had to teach their therapists how to be affirming. I wanted a place where you didn't have to explain the basics.
As a trans man, I get the nuances. I get the "second puberty" awkwardness, the frustration of gatekeeping, and the sheer relief of finding a community that gets it. Our practice is built on that lived experience. When we talk about identity-affirming therapy, we aren't just following a manual: we’re drawing from the map we’ve walked ourselves.
Whether you are working with me, or another member of our team like Christy, the goal is the same: to help you find the safety and clarity needed to claim your story.
How to Celebrate TDOV (Your Way)
If you’re wondering how to "do" Trans Day of Visibility this Tuesday, here are a few suggestions that have nothing to do with public speaking or social media activism (unless that’s your thing!):
- Write a Letter to Your Future Self: Acknowledge how far you’ve come. What parts of your story are you proud of claiming?
- Curate Your Feed: Block the trolls, follow some trans creators who make you laugh, and lean into the power of community.
- Practice Self-Compassion: If being "visible" feels too heavy right now, honor that feeling. Protecting your peace is a form of visibility, too: you are seeing and honoring yourself.
- Find a "Micro-Moment" of Euphoria: Put on that one outfit, listen to that one song, or spend time with that one friend who truly sees you.
You Are the Author
Regardless of where you are in your journey: whether you’ve been out for decades or you’re just starting to whisper the truth to yourself: this day is for you.
You are not a political debate. You are not a diagnosis. You are a human being with a unique, beautiful, and unfolding story.
At Byrnes Counseling Group, we are here to hold the space while you figure out what that story looks like. We’re here to help you drop the armor of perfection and embrace the "radical act of good enough" as you navigate your transition and your life.
This Tuesday, and every day, remember: The story you claim is the only one that matters.
Happy Transgender Day of Visibility. We see you, we celebrate you, and we’re right here with you.
If you’re looking for a safe, affirming space to explore your identity or navigate the challenges of being LGBTQ+ in Florida, we’re here to help. Reach out to us at Byrnes Counseling Group to learn more about our individual and group therapy options.
